i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
