Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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