I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
