can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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