I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
