Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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