party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
