Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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