He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
