I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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