she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
