i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
