escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
