Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
