Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
