My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
