I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
cat food counts as protein by the way
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
