then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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