My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
