They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
