When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
