I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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