Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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