Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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