If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Rumble strips road head = magical
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
