Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
