Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
