Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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