And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
