So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
