yo everyone went to the hospital last night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
