Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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