Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
