she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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