you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
