I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
