??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
