he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
