so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
