if you like me you must not know who I am
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
