he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
