Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
