I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
