Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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