Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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