So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
