i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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