Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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