Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
