Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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