the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
