i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
