o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
