If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
